It's Ok To Have A Sh!t Day 

We have no control over anything that happens in this world except for ourselves. For this simple reason, some days won’t be amazing. In fact, some days could potentially be really sh!t.

We don’t have to pretend like we are positive and happy every minute of every day to live a great life, to be a great person or to show high emotional intelligence.

Yes, it is true that in many circumstances looking at the positive or optimistic side can train our brain to not let the downfalls impact us as much and if we focus on what we do have rather than what we don’t have, gratitude will naturally lift our mood.

But the reality is that sometimes things happen that make us sad, upset, nervous or anything other than wanting to be positive and happy. This is totally ok. Some days we decide that it is a sh!t day.

It’s important to understand that:

  • There is no such thing as a good and bad emotion.
  • External factors don’t determine our mood or how we feel, only we can decide that.

Being emotionally intelligent is not about living in a false sense of positivity and always being chirpy and happy no matter what happens. It is ok to feel. To stop, allow ourselves to truly feel and own the emotion. I say ‘own’ the emotion because it is OUR emotion. No one else made us feel like this, we chose to respond the situation and external factors feeling this way. It isn’t right or wrong, it just simply is what it is.

What is emotionally intelligent, is allowing the time to feel and own the emotion, but not unpacking and staying there. Knowing when and how to move on. Getting the severity and the appropriateness of our emotional response to match the situation at hand.

Our emotional response occurs due to triggers. These triggers can be attached to a neuropathway that links to a specific emotion. This can be created based on memories, defining moments or our values and beliefs. For each person, these triggers differ meaning that when situations arise or different things occur, each one of us can react with a different emotion depending on the emotion that this trigger is attached to.

To push that emotional response away or refuse it ‘airtime’ doesn’t mean that it goes away. To force ourselves to be positive or not respond in a certain way is simply like putting a hand over the end of a hose. It might keep the water in for a little while, however it might also create a pressure build up that explodes when it finally is let out.

The key with emotions is to not deprive, fake or ignore an emotion. The key is to work with our emotions rather than against them.

  • Be self-aware of the emotion and how we are choosing to respond. Own that it is us that is deciding on the emotional response not external factors, they are simply occurring.
  • Face the trigger and emotion to understand why they are linked and if we are happy with this or whether we would like to create a new neuropathway for this trigger to a different emotion.
  • Feel the emotion. Allow it to be what it is. Feel the impact it is having on us and on those around us
  • Ask ourselves “what will it take to move on past this feeling?” “Am I ready to move on?”
  • Take the steps necessary to Drive our motivations and make it happen.

So next time you are having a sh!t day, don’t be too hard on yourself or the world around you. Own that you have decided it is a sh!t day and understand why that is the case. If these days are more frequent than good days, take some time to stop and re-evaluate why you are responding this way, what role you play in it all and how you want to feel from now on.

You always have the choice in your emotional response and this doesn’t always have to be positive. Let yourself feel all the feels but don’t unpack your bags and stay there. Knowing how and when to move on is the true test of your emotional intelligence.

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