Emotional Intelligence and Personality tests can be lots of fun to do but are they the Horoscopes or the Facebook quizzes of the Corporate World?
You know the quizzes that you do online where you answer a list of multiple choice questions and they tell you which Disney Princess or cast member from Friends or GOT house you belong to? It’s all fun and games until you get an answer that you don’t like or agree with? Does that change the way you now watch that show or was the quiz simply wrong?
Any personality quiz, regardless of the topic, is a subjective test based on our own answers and that’s what makes them so interesting!
There are approximately 31 different personality tests available based on available research. Myer Briggs and DiSC are two of the most popular with Myer Briggs being around since 1921 and DiSC since 1928. I’m not sure whether this is a good thing that they have such extensive history or whether it’s a concern that things have certainly changed a lot in the last 98 years! Many others have been created throughout the years with quite a few companies creating their own tests.
Some are so accurate and describe us perfectly, others tell us something that we don’t expect and therefore could be assumed wrong or inaccurate. Either way, they use our answers to closed questions and place us into a category.
There is only so much that an online test can do. Have you ever read a multiple choice question and thought ‘none of those answers best suit me’ yet you are forced to pick one to continue. It does create the risk of a ‘cookie cutter’ approach. You are either A, B, C or D, end of story. No, you can’t be A sometimes and a little of C on other occasions. No, it can’t be dependant on the situation and the people involved. No, your emotional purpose or driver is not relevant. The test does the best it can with the questions and answers it has.
Does this make them a waste or time? No, I don’t think so. Does this make them accurate and statistical information to create measures, determine careers and create development plans? No, I don’t think it does. Does this provide a great base to have a conversation and get us in the right frame of mind to dig deeper in EI? Yes, I believe it does.
What we choose to do following these tests actually determine the value.
Here are 4 things to consider when doing these tests:
- Knowing others results is more important that knowing your own. It’s nice to know what we think and how we see ourselves, although remember, it is your self-assessment so the accuracy is in your interpretation of you. Understanding what others think and how they see themselves is very handy to know. This can differ greatly from how we see them. It provides an insight into their beliefs and values. We can learn a lot from what other people think of themselves.
- Our results can vary depending on our stage of life. Similar to our likes, dislikes, goals, directions and beliefs changing through life, so too will our results of the tests. It is a snapshot of you right now. Don’t get hung up on your results from 10 years ago and certainly don’t let them define you! If your life doesn’t have a lot of change and you are a person that doesn’t have a lot of change to your beliefs and values, then your results are likely to be the same at age 20 as they are at age 60.
- Remember the original purpose of doing the test. We can get caught up in reading through the results and analysing what they mean, losing track of the real reason we are doing them: to identify areas to grow! The test is simply the pre-work step to building our EI and reaching our high performing potential. We should put more focus on the practical steps that follow the test rather than the test and reading through the results. Reading the test results alone might be fun however have you actually learnt anything and have you grown?
- We don’t always have the luxury of asking someone that we are communicating with, what was your DiSC result? There are many ways through EI training to identify and understand someone’s personality and modalities. This can be done through the words that they use, the process they go through, their habits, their appearance, pretty much observation at it’s best. Fantastic skills for interviews, Leaders and Sales! This is reflective of the concept: give a person a fish and they eat for the day, teach a person to fish and they eat for a lifetime. Doing the test and being given the answers, gives you fish for a day, learning the skills to do it without a test, is like learning to fish and eating for a lifetime.
So in summary, Personality and EI tests are fun and a great place to start. In fact, there are so many free tests that you can do online simply by searching ‘Free Personality and EI Tests’. We can also teach and learn the skills to be able to identify other people’s personalities without doing an actual test. We can learn how ‘what we do’ and ‘what we say’ impacts on those around us. Open ended questions, together with observation and listening, will result in more honesty and a better understanding then any closed questions or test.
Working backwards by understanding how an emotionally intelligent person looks and responds, allows us to do a gap analysis and create a personalised growth plan. This, I believe, is more powerful than any multiple choice test.
That’s a wrap!
The first 6 months of 2019 are well and truly done. For me, it’s time to reflect and show some serious gratitude.
Congratulations to those 1008 gorgeous people that chose to further develop their emotional intelligence by attending at least one of my training sessions. Seeing the individual growth from when you entered the room until now is the reason why I love what I do. Thank you for choosing to work with me, I have learnt so much from each and every one of you.
How does your reflection on the last 6 months look? Who are you grateful for and why do you love what you choose to do?
Business Planning is a dreaded, or avoided, step for many, however I really enjoy it. I find business plans create an opportunity for great reflection, clear direction and goals for the coming year. I’m really looking forward to the next 12 months and everything it will bring. I’m continuing to build my support network with one of my biggest learnings being: do what you are really good at and outsource the rest. There are people out there that love doing what you really dislike doing. I’ve been quite hesitant up until now but I’ve committed and I’m now really excited. I’ll have extra time to do what I really love and what I’m good at.
What’s your biggest learning this year? Do you outsource?
Welcome to all of the wonderful new people that I have met over the past month! The industries I work with continue to become more diverse yet we all have that key focus in common, increasing EI within ourselves and those around us.
Enjoy the ‘What’s New’ and ‘Teach Me Some EI’ sections below and remember, you are always welcome to contact me to ask a question, have a chat or bounce an idea.
Subscribe now to receive the Monthly newsletter straight to your inbox!
** What’s New?
Online, Self-guided and Just For You
After receiving a number of requests from individuals that want to attend a workshop open to the public, or those looking for a cheaper option than one-on-one coaching, we will be launching a completely online, self-guided, 5 week Emotional Intelligence Course!
The course is currently in development and is scheduled for launch at the end of September. I can’t wait to share this with you all!
If you would like to join the wait list, contact me now and I’ll add you to the list!
Melbourne, I’m coming!
Are you a Melbourne contact, or do you know someone in Melbourne that would benefit from some EI training? It’s such a pleasure to be in Melbourne on Monday 24th November as a speaker at an upcoming conference.
Given the beauty of the city, the food and of course the amazing people, I am extending my trip and am currently taking bookings for the week of Monday 24th – Thursday 28th November.
Let’s chat if you would like to catch up while I am in town.
** Teach Me Some EI
Reflection: The Psychology of Self-Awareness
A simple pause and a moment to take a look back at what has been, provides us with the opportunity to not only self-reflect but to develop our self-regulation. We know there is nothing we can control other than the part that we choose to play and how we choose to react.
Becoming more self-aware of who we are takes time and patience. There is no quick fix to self-awareness and self-regulation. We all have moments when our ’emotional hijack’ gets the better of us, the learning we take from the situation is the very core of our EI skills.
Ultimately, self-reflection on a daily basis is the most effective however, there is this thing called ‘life’ that can sometimes get in the way. If you can manage weekly self-reflection, you are doing great. At the very least, commit some time on a monthly basis to self-reflect. Especially if you run or lead a business!
Here are some great questions to ask yourself to get the ball rolling:
How has my month been? What am I most grateful for?
My greatest accomplishment?
What I wanted to get done but didn’t?
What progress have I made towards my goals?
What are the challenges I am currently facing?
What are the opportunities available to me?
How am I feeling right now?
The most powerful part of reflection is what you choose to do with the lessons you have learnt.
Dopamine is our FRIEND!
Are your goals on track? Remember, each step, each win, each achievement you make towards your goal releases the chemical dopamine in our brains that provides us with motivation to keep on being amazing!
Lacking motivation, do something right now that takes you a step closer to achieving your goal and feel the dopamine kick in. Even easier, talk to someone who is ridiculously happy or motivated and let some of their emotion rub off on you. Remember, research shows that you can become up to 16% happier simply by talking to someone that is happy!
How to Reset your Mind and Sleep!
Holiday’s are fantastic! The chance to have a break from work, from life
and just enjoy yourself. Great food, late nights, sleep ins and down time.
Returning to work all fresh and pumped ready to go….. or not?
I’ve just returned from a family holiday to Bali, escaping Perth’s winter,
to defrost my bones. It was a brilliant holiday complete with all our favourite
restaurants and bars, great weather and an earthquake for a bit of excitement.
I switched off all calls and limited my work thoughts. Funnily enough, I tend
to come up with new content ideas when I’m on holidays (and supposedly switched
off) so I returned with a few mental notes and lots of exciting ideas. Let me
just add here, I’m a small business owner and I absolutely love what I do.
By my second day back at work, I’m feeling tired and overwhelmed. My sleep
patterns are all out of wack and I’m still awake late at night with my mind racing,
yet getting up earlier with a to-do list an arm long.
Energy levels = I think I need another holiday….
For me, I’m usually an early to bed type person. Most nights, during the
week, I’m in bed by 9pm or 10pm at the very, very latest. I fall asleep really
easily and quickly (yes you can hate me). I like to, and function best, with well
and truly 8 hours sleep. When I’m on holidays, my nights consist of later
dinners, drinks, socialising, then even when I head to bed I might read a book
or binge on some Netflix. Sleep ins or ‘nanna naps’ get me through and time is
really irrelevant when I’m in holiday mode. So, you can imagine the impact this
has on my body clock when I get back home.
As I laid in bed last night at 11pm with my eyes closed telling myself to
go to sleep, it was time to kick in my ‘sleep reset’ tools.
Here’s are 3 steps that help me to get my sleep patterns reset and back in to my working week. Relaxation, sleep music or sleep stories are always great to have playing in the background whilst doing this, however not 100% needed.
Close your ‘inner eyelids’
Now I know what you are thinking, we don’t have
inner eyelids. Correct we don’t, I use it as a figure of speech. When we are
laying in bed with our eyes closed willing ourselves to go to sleep, our minds
still racing, our eyes still moving, why does it matter if the lights are on or
off? Can you tell the difference if there is a light on or off with your eyes
closed? For some reason, it feels like we can?
Here’s what I do, close your eyes and lay
comfortably in bed. Now with your eyes closed already, picture yourself, in
your mind, closing your eyes slowly.
When we tell our mind and visualise closing our eyes,
with our eyes already closed, it relaxes our eye muscles and things tend to
feel darker. Our eyes may have dropped, along with our eyelids, and now be
looking down also making it feel darker. We also tend to relax the muscles
around our eyes in the same step. Either way, it feels like we have closed
another eyelid and the room has just got darker telling our mind we have closed
our eyes and are going to sleep.
The mind is a very powerful thing! Once we make a decision in our mind, our mind will do everything it can to find evidence to prove the decision is right. If it hears, we can’t go to sleep, then yes it will show you exactly why you can’t go to sleep and give you example after example. If it hears and feels, we are going to sleep now, then it’s looking for examples and reasons to go to sleep.
Relax your muscles
Have you ever noticed that when you are trying to
force yourself to sleep, however your mind is racing, that your muscles are also
tense. My mouth and lips are usually closed and I’m focusing my mind on trying
to go to sleep which is actually keeping my mind active and therefore doing the
exact opposite! My mouth and lips are actually ever so slightly apart when I am
in total relaxation and my tongue naturally rests on the top of my mouth.
On a side note, did you know that? This really blew
my mind when I first heard it. I always thought that a relaxed tongue sat in
the bottom of your mouth but no it actually rests at the top or back of your mouth.
So, let’s relax our muscles, starting with the rest
of our face, our mouth then all the way down to literally our last toe. Think
of each body part as we go and relax each muscle ensuring there is no tension
or muscle activated.
Our body should be like a floppy doll and drooped into our bed. There is a sinking like feeling as we go deeper into our sleeping position.
Breathe like a Navy SEAL!
Breathing is so simple right. It’s second nature, of
course I’m breathing. How we breathe and the speed at which we breathe impacts
your entire body, specifically our mind.
Slowing down our breathing is the first step for so
many medical events eg panic attacks, high blood pressure, exhaustion, extreme heat,
anxiety, and the list goes on. It is the simplest thing to learn, in fact we
already know how to do it, and the simplest thing to master the technique to change
our sleeping and relaxation patterns. This is also why it’s one of the key
skills in meditation.
Let’s give it a go! We are going to breathe in for
the count of 4, hold the breathe for the count of 4, breathe out for the count
of 4 and hold for the count of 4, then repeat the process. This process not
only slows down our breathing helping with the flow of oxygen, it also gives
our mind something very simple to do and that’s count to 4. The old ‘counting
sheep’ theory. If your mind is counting to 4, it’s not thinking of every other
possible thought that runs through our heads late at night.
If our mind is still wondering, then we refocus on our
breathing and counting or start from step 1 again.
The power of the mind truly is an amazing thing. When we understand it’s ability and the influence it has on every decision and choice in our lives, we can then benefit from the real power.
How do you feel when returning from holidays?
Do you have any tips or tricks to recorrect your sleeping patterns?
Are you feeling tired just from reading about sleep and relaxation. I’m certainly not judging you if you need a sneaky little ‘nanna nap’….. count with me…. 1, 2, 3, 4……
Hey There Everyone
As the sun went done on 31st May, June and Winter moved in, how are you holding up? We can start the year with the best of intentions and suddenly we blink, 5 months have passed and here we are in June.
Mid year is an important time for our careers. It is our ‘check in’ opportunity. Now is the time to be checking in on our:
* general engagement and happiness in what we are doing
* development and growth; what have we achieved, our purpose for this year
* teams direction and strategy
* measures of success
I was having a conversation with a frustrated Business Owner who said their Senior Manager meetings had become a ‘tick-a-box’ exercise where no one was engaged or wanted to be there. They simply ran through a list of items then left the room. She felt they weren’t very productive at all but didn’t know how to change them. After a quick discussion, what the team lacked was clear direction, goals and focus aligned to the company strategy and the purpose of the meeting! This is all too common that by this time of year we have lost some direction and purpose. That’s why mid-year is the time to check in across all areas. Don’t be afraid to change and tweak. Tweaking an unrealistic or no longer relevant goal is not failure, its logical and will reignite motivation.
May’s biggest take-away for me was around Leadership. Across all of the industries I work with, I hear the same main problem affecting results and our people: Leaders who don’t know how to lead. There are 3 possible answers here: they are in the wrong job, they require training on core leadership fundamentals or they are underperforming as leaders and require management. Never underestimate the effect of poor leadership on the overall success of your business. Make it your number one priority to identify and fix.
Welcome to all of the new people that I have met over the past month! I’m loving working with some of my favourite clients rolling out programs to all of their staff and kicking off new programs for others. Hearing the differences it has made to people and their workplaces already, makes me so happy and thankful that I get to do what I love. I hope this email finds you in a great space ready to smash through June and geared up for a huge second half of the year.
Enjoy the ‘What’s New’ and ‘Teach Me Some EI’ sections below and remember, you are always welcome to contact me to ask a question, have a chat or bounce an idea.
Subscribe now to receive the Monthly newsletter straight to your inbox!
** What’s New?
EI In Sales
Everyone’s decision making or buying pattern process is driven by EI. There is always an emotional attachment linked to each step and the order of the steps are determined by our modalities.
The EI Decision Drive workshop is high in demand for teams across all industries that have a Sales component to what they do. We learn how to identify the different modality processes and how to influence each modality type. It is at this point that the buy becomes less about the price and product and all about the emotional satisfaction.
* The 4 Modalities that determine our emotional responses
* The role they play in the components of our decision making process
* Replacing the price and product sell with EI delivering the value in what you do and the ‘y’ behind why you do it.
If you are interested in booking this session, contact me now.
Finding Your ‘y’ – FB Community
We have created a new Facebook Community to provide an environment where we can share our stories, ask questions and engage in conversations around Emotional Intelligence.
If you haven’t already joined the FB group, head over there now by clicking here.
** Teach Me Some EI
Goal setting is the best way to achieve direction when we are feeling lost. Having a dream or even a goal is easy. The missed step that so often leads to an unachieved goal, is to attach the purpose or the emotional need that you are fulfilling to the goal.
There is not one thing we willingly do in life without an emotional need to be fulfilled. When you are setting your goals, ask yourself the following questions:
Why is this goal important to me?
What is it’s purpose?
Why should I do it?
How will I feel when I achieve it?
How will I feel if I don’t achieve it?
If the answers to the last 2 questions are not strong enough to motivate you, then the goal is a waste of time. There has to be an emotional gain that is worth the effort or an emotional loss that is worth the fight.
I have developed a Goal Setting Worksheet that ‘chunks down’ our goals to bite size, achievable pieces and is available in a workshop if you would like a hand.
Memory by Modality
There are so many tips and tricks on how to remember important information or even something as simple as a person’s name. Not all tips and tricks work the same on each of us. If you align your learning to your strongest modality, your memory will become stronger.
Here is a link to a short video where I share the alignment of modalities to memory and the buying process.
EOFY – Lock in this Fin Years Pricing
If you are planning training or an event in the second half of the year, book and secure with a 50% deposit before Friday 28th June to lock in this financial years pricing.
I believe gender equality in the workforce is about more than ticking a quota. The question I think we should be asking is ‘why aren’t there as many outstanding women ready and wanting to take that next step into management and senior positions?’ This is where we should be challenging the status quo.
I can honestly say, after almost 20 years in the corporate world, I don’t believe that I have ever missed out or been overlooked for anything because I was a woman. Now I am not naive, I know many women that haven’t been as lucky and have seen some very unfairly treated. I have been in situations where I have been treated differently being a women, especially given I’ve worked in Insurance for 18 years, but I’ve never let this impact my success or ability to do my job. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I actually think I’ve had more opportunities in my career because I am a women than the situations where I have been hindered. I’ve been on some amazing courses restricted to women, conferences, networking events and mentor groups. I know these have been needed to change embedded mindsets. I do believe, however, that we need to be very careful not to go to the other extreme where we start seeing capable and deserving men missing out on opportunities because they have been born male in this generation. Continue reading
A question I get asked a lot is: Do you really love public speaking? Don’t you get nervous?
My answer is always yes and yes!! I really do love it…. it’s the adrenaline rush for me, the love of sharing information with others that may just make their life better, easier or happier. The bigger the crowd the bigger the rush! Yes you betcha I get nervous and anxious but my nerves are exciting ones.
I get it that it’s really not for everyone and actually for most people it’s not fun at all and something that they dread or makes them feel physically sick. For that reason, I’ve put together some basic tips to help you be prepared as you can should you be thrown in the deep end without your floaties, fully clothed with weights tied around your waist.Continue reading
I recently spent a glorious 2 weeks in Hawaii and experienced the beauty of Oahu and the Hawaiian Islands. For the 2 weeks that I was there I was in constant admiration of the view, the water, the trees and a permanent smile lit up my face…. I’m sure the few Mai Tai’s also helped. Even on the last day I was still happy snapping the view and sunsets and saying to my husband and friends “can you believe how gorgeous it is.” Not even Hurricane Lane that threatened to hit our island during our first week could dampen the holiday. We prepared ourselves as best we could, stayed calm and made the most of every day having a hurricane party in our room during lockdown while the kids created their own ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ show.
There is an age old expression that has outlived so many that I really disagree with…. ‘you need to earn trust’.
I don’t know about you but I prefer to see the good in others, empower them and have full trust in them upfront. Each time I manage a new team one of the first thing I say to them is ‘You all have my full trust upfront. I hand it to you on a silver platter. I believe in you all and you have my support’.
Empowerment goes a long way for someone’s mindset and ability to believe in themselves and achieve greatness. Doubting them upfront by them having to earn your trust is almost like guilty till proven innocent. Don’t expect the worse from someone or expect that they will do something wrong or even take advantage of you. If that happens, worry about it then and resolve it. Continue reading
Not every day is a walk in the park. We’ve all had those moments or those days when it all gets a bit much or you can’t believe what has just happened or been said. How do you react in these situations?
For many extroverts, and even for most people, verbalising your emotions or thoughts is the default position. The reaction you have is what people tend to remember rather than the actual cause of your reaction. Your reaction will be a reflection on you. Getting this emotion under control is harder than we’d like it to be.
Try these 5 simple tips to improve your resiliency:
I heard a saying a few years ago that really resonated and I latched onto it: “you can have it all, just not all at once”. I was wrong!
The statement was made in relation that not all of your life can be all that you want it to be at once there will always be something that is sacrificed while other areas are peaking and that’s ok. It pretty much nails the definition of sacrifice: give up (something valued) for the sake of other considerations. Just accept it knowing other areas are doing great and you can’t have everything.
I latched onto this at the time because it was what I needed to hear. It made it ‘ok’ in my mind to sacrifice happiness in some areas and it gave me an excuse. I created that belief, it wasn’t a belief that I was happy with those areas or that I’d accepted it for what it was, it was a belief that I wasn’t happy with them but that I couldn’t possibly be happy with all areas at once because sacrifice needed to happen. How wrong I was!